WHAT’S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT?

Countless great books and articles have been written, about finding one’s purpose. Living life purposefully is the epitome of true living. I never knew what that even meant, let alone knowing what mine was, until a few short years ago.

Where’s Love?

My earliest memory of my grandmother was when I was 8 years old. She told me that I was adopted into the family. I remember her watching my expression carefully and gently said, “I know you must be feeling very angry and sad right now. I don’t blame you. If you feel like you want to go back to your parents….”  Her voice broke off momentarily before she continued, “If you want to go back, I won’t be angry at you.”

My little heart was crushed, not just because I had learned that I was adopted, but also because I couldn’t bear to leave her. I was not brought up in an environment where love was expressed verbally. However, that moment taught me how to feel love and I felt the strongest urge to protect it.  She has shown me a love that I cannot articulate into words.

Shattered

Venturing into the world with a broken lens and a misguided spirit, my road to self-destruction caught up with me when I learned of my grandmother’s death at the age of 17 while I was studying in Melbourne, Australia.

In that moment, all of my old wounds of childhood physical and mental trauma resurfaced.

I felt incomplete, dispirited, unloved, and I was wallowing in self-pity.

Why me?

If I was normal like everyone else with a proper Mom and Dad, all these travesties wouldn’t have happened. I would not have been abused by a family member. I wouldn’t be an outcast or the black sheep of the family. And it’s extremely likely I would not have partied with drugs and alcohol to numb the pain of the emotions I was going through on the daily. At least, that’s how I used to think and feel.

Quest For Love

I continued on my quest for self-validation, love, and acceptance as I grew older.

I was seeking happiness and love outside of myself. Constantly searching for that elusive knight in shining armor, expecting him to promptly arrive by the window of my soul on his exquisite white stallion and of course, romantically sweeping me off my feet.

Desperation or disillusioned? I didn’t care because I was longing for a safe space of love and wishing I was worthy of love. However, a question that I should have asked myself, had I been wiser at the time was — “Am I worthy of my love and acceptance of myself?” The answer would have obviously been, “No.”

Love Is…

How do we define love? Some may say it’s the “happily ever after, white picket fence” idea. Others may suggest it’s “knowing you’d do anything for that person and they’d do the same for you”.

But is that the type of love that we actually want?

Through many life lessons and failed relationships, I realized that to place the power and expectation in another person’s hand for my happiness isn’t love at all. It is an unrealistic and a burden of responsibility on the other person.

Love begins with you, where love resides, where the heart is. It starts by you loving you. When you no longer expect or demand love from someone, other than yourself, you’re free to attract true love, in my opinion.

You see, we have been subconsciously programmed from a young age, through the movies we watch, the romance novels we read, and social conditioning of our environments, including our friends and family of what love is. And it’s likely a distorted view, much like my own.

Understand Love

As I reflect on my younger years, I now understand that with every episode of pain, challenge and failure, there is always a lesson to learn. This has also served me as invaluable wisdom and compassion for another person suffering. To understand and appreciate their feelings of helplessness, loss, being unloved, rebelliousness, and shame.

So how do we change the story of our pain so that it fuels us to become more resilient, stronger, and grow? I feel we need to heal by remembering to enjoy the journey. We must not allow these mistakes to become limiting beliefs and negative self-talk, which is what we’ve done for many years, if you’re anything like me. This will truly allow you to stop bottling up these emotions and to truly take charge of your life and the outcomes you’d prefer to experience. That will be your bonfire.

We are humans and yes, we make mistakes, but mistakes don’t make us bad people. We are simply misunderstood, people often don’t have the full picture. And so it is important that we seek to first understand ourselves so we can better educate others, through clear, concise communication.

Love Story

Every one of us has a unique story.

Living in a world of duality, there is an exact equal and opposite side to every story. We hold the key to choose to turn those stories from negative to positive. This will truly empower us to propel forward into a very bright future…

Or, we allow and justify our past stories and allow the life, people and circumstances around us to dictate how we live. Of course, this is extremely detrimental for us and very likely to attract more of the negative elements to continue showing up for us.

As the old adage goes;

When you have healed your past, you tell the story differently.

Remember, you have the capacity and capability to heal yourself, for we are truly the very essence of love itself. These are our birthrights; Self-love, abundance, prosperity, peace, and with these adhered to, I feel a healthy mind, body and soul are rightfully yours.

Let’s embrace and live life to the fullest, because there is likely no take two.

I am doing the same. I have healed much of my past and I focus on the positive aspects I would prefer to experience. I continue to invest in my internal growth as I know it will always translate into my outer world and that world is full of love.