WE DON’T TALK ANYMORE

I was having lunch alone one day and browsing through my mobile phone. As I was still waiting for my food, I looked around at the decor and people and noticed a couple in their early 50s. What caught my attention was that the couple were not talking to each other.

The female was chewing her food and looking around the café as if searching for something while her partner was eating and looking at his plate. It was indeed a sad scene. It made me wonder what went wrong? I am sure when they were younger, they must have had a lot of things to talk about.

What Is The Real Issue?

Looking at younger couples in the café, they seemed to be having a lot of things to talk about. Seeing them exchanging gestures, laughing and etc. Some were even talking at the same time. Looked like fun.

Coming back to the couple, I was trying to feel what the female must be feeling. Eating with someone and not talking to each other. She was alternating between looking out of the window and looking at decor then back to her plate. Didn’t they have anything to talk about? Where did it go wrong? Were they angry? Was it frustration or was it boredom?

The male acted like he was all by himself. Playing with his food, tossing his fork against his plate. Could he be thinking about leaving the place? Or how long more they were going to take to finish the food? Or could either one of them be thinking about what they were going to do after they left?

Why did this happen? I was certain they were not like that when they first met. I bet they had plenty to share between them. They must have had a lot of things to talk about. Shared jokes or stories, perhaps.

Closing Our Hearts To Hurts

Then I remembered, I used to be in the same situation too.

I remembered I went through that situation too, many years ago. As a result of that experience, I felt hurt and taken for granted. I felt bitter about the whole relationship. Sometimes, women give in too much. When we love our partners whole heartedly, we tend to give them our everything.

When I was hurt, I shut down my feelings. I stopped talking and I felt unimportant and had difficulty communicating with my partner. Even to share stories, events or jokes. Why? Because I felt I was not important to him.

I didn’t feel like sharing myself with someone who didn’t appreciate me. This is a very negative thought because if we focused on these kinds of thoughts then one day they become toxic. That’s how strong the power of heart is.

When our hearts are beating together, we feel so much love and want to share everything. But once betrayed, hurt or even taken for granted, we slowly close our heart. The heart has the biggest electromagnetic field in our body. It so strange when this happened, I could totally ignore or pretend not to hear what he said.

Conquer Your Fear

But of course there are people who still tolerate whatever their partners do. This might be because they are fearful. Fearful of being abandoned. Fearful of not being supported financially. Fearful of their children being taken away from them and there are so many more other reasons. I had fears too. I was afraid not being supported financially as I was not employed.

I can’t imagine what would happened to me if I had not found my way back. I was introduced by my girlfriend, to The Golden Space, a transformative and healing centre. After going through some healings, private sessions and workshops, I finally came out of that fear-based mode. I was able to slowly open my heart again.

I was made to understand that things happened to make me stronger emotionally and physically. To be honest, my heart has not completely opened but it is in the process of doing so. Now I am able to sit with my partner and we can have a good conversation when we are dining especially when it’s just the two of us. Now that our children are grown up and have their own things, we are left on our own most of the time.

It is important to have that understanding of each other. My partner and I now are at a different level of our relationship. We are companions to each other.

Life is too short for us to keep holding on to the grudges and be sad. We end up hurting our body eventually. Learn to accept things that have happened in our lives and slowly try to forgive all the wrong doings to you and others. I know it is easier said then done. But if you put in the intention to do so. Things will be easier. Your readiness and willingness are very important.

I believe if we have peace in our heart, nothing really matters. We can live in harmony and togetherness with anyone.

My sincere advice to couples who have stopped talking to each other, especially with heart issues, to make peace. Please identify what the issue is and work on it. Better to live in harmony rather than dragging yourself through each day of your life. I did it and I am happy. The most important thing for me, is to be at peace with myself. All is well.

6 Ways To Release Grudges:

 1.     Always look at the good side of this person

2.     When you are hurt or angry, cry out to release the emotion but don’t criticize yourself

3.     Don’t analyze why the person is hurting you but instead accept that this emotion is part of your test to make you wiser and resilient

4.     Always believe that this thing happened comes with good purpose/reason

5.     Always believe if this test didn’t come, you will live your life complacently with no purpose

6.     Avoid hating the person, because negative emotions create sickness to your body.

5      Ways To Learn Acceptance:

1.     To accept the situation positively, will create feelings of peace

2.     Learn to meditate or engage in positive creative visualization to prevent the mind from wandering

3.     Trusting and loving yourself more, will eventually create peace within

4.     This person who triggered you is teaching you to be aware/understand your emotions

5.     Loving yourself will also increase the understanding of acceptance.

Saida Nadziah, worked with a foreign bank for more than 18 years. Her job scope included handling  university and secondary school students during the entrepreneurship and public speaking competitions held by the bank. Saida is a certified trainer by HRDF and has conducted several meditation classes and workshops, motivating many to change their heart-set and mindsets about life.  Her life experiences  as a mother and home-maker at one point of her life has sparked her passion in helping families stay together. She can be reached at saida@thegoldenspace.com.my