UNPLUG YOUR ANGER
Volume 8 

What Anger Really Means

Anger is like a fever. Just as a fever is an indicator that there is something wrong with your body, anger in itself is a powerful indicator that there is something wrong in your life. It shows that something in your life is not healthy or good for you anymore, be it a relationship or the level of stress in your work.

Anger & Your Relationship

Who you get angry at also tells you about the condition of your relationship with this person. Some would hold back their anger until they get home, only to take it out on their loved ones because they feel (regardless of whether they realize this or not) that no matter what they do, these people would still love them. Or perhaps they feel that they somehow “own” their family and thus have the right to do or say anything to them.

Anger Can Be Useful

Anger can make us learn and grow. Without it we would not feel the full range of human emotions, for example, we would not appreciate peace and forgiveness. It is needed to trigger important changes to be made in certain aspects in our lives. It may also show that we need to set up boundaries. Doing so ensures we don’t give too much to others without taking care of ourselves first. Anger may be an indication that we have taken too much on our plate resulting in stress and exhaustion.

The Futility Of Suppressing Anger

Often people suppress their anger, especially women. But that merely turns it inwards, letting the power of this emotion attack your spirit, as well as chip away at your self-worth. It is time to admit that anger cannot be contained. Doing that merely traps it, just waiting to be released again. The good news is that you can “depower” it, reducing its impact on your decisions, behavior and life as a whole. In fact you can even pull the plug totally after you have mastered this strategy. But let us take one step at a time.

Making Room For Anger

So is it better then to let it all out? Or have a cathartic experience second-handedly by watching a really violent show? Violence is then  glorified and justified as being needed to save the day and make everyone feel better. This strategy has made “Anger Rooms” all the rage.

Lest you think they were the brainchild of a typical hormonally-charged male, you should know that they were created by an American woman named Donna Alexander, and has since 2008, become a phenomenon across Serbia, Russia and Canada. In fact, as reported by The Edge, 80% of the customers are women, aged 18 to 40 years, in all professions, from students, housewives to professionals.

You Are In Charge, Not The Anger

A while back, I joined an organization where I was often made to feel small, inadequate and powerless by a highly-placed group of people. At the same time, I was told that I was an important asset to the company because of my experience and credentials. I was never given any decision-making power or recognition because I was told that the rewards I received as personal satisfaction and personal development should be enough. However by not being allowed much say, I could not grow.

It took me awhile to realize that I was being manipulated by these persons, because I had a fear of abandonment. I was afraid that my friends would not need me anymore if I did not give them what they asked for – money, time, contacts, etc. I felt that they were not concerned about my personal development and success.

My confusion at the situation soon turned into anger. I suppressed this feeling because I mistakenly assumed that expressing this anger would show that I could not control my emotions. That it was a sign that I was never going to be good enough for them. I was small and powerless but that was because I made myself so. So, the first step always starts by taking back your power. Empowering yourself. Believe that you are in charge, not your anger.

One Day At A Time

Always remember that there are ways to handle anger and anger has some beneficial lessons. Make your peace with anger, one day at a time.

4 Step Strategy To Pull The Plug On Anger

Let this strategy become your daily practice so that you can MASTER your anger and thus your emotions. When you can master all your emotions, you can – pull the plug on your anger!

1. Stop feeding your anger by giving it too much attention. Tell your monkey mind to stop chattering as you have important stuff to do. Live in the NOW. The anger you are feeling, was “just now”, meaning it’s over. Do not carry it over and affect other things in your life.Easier said than done, sure, but remember the energy you wasted by re-running the negative thoughts in your mind is keeping you from working out solutions for NOW!
2. Allow in-formation – say what? Accept that things are exactly the way they are supposed to be. Life events will play out regardless of whether we become emotional or not. Trust that the Universe will work its course and do its job. For example, accept that “I do not follow instructions well.” Admit that it makes you sad and angry, but it is the way things are right now. When you admit something, it can’t be used against you; your anger can’t harass you about it. You can’t change the cause of that but you CAN change the equation involved.
   

   Emotions + Thoughts = Behavior.

   By changing your emotions or thoughts, you will change your behavior and thus the outcome.

3. Ask, “SO WHAT?” If your friend was late picking you up, so what? If it leads to being scolded by your boss/ lecturer, so what? If you then lose points on attendance or it will affect your GPA/KPI, so what? When you do this you will slowly release the hold your anger has on you, bit by bit. Continue on, till you reach a point where you realize that it really doesn’t matter in the big picture of your life. De-power your anger, face it and ask it… so what?
4. Listen to your body. Feel the pain in certain areas of your body and breathe out the anger with the following techniques:
   • Find a peaceful place, where you can relax, close your eyes and breathe normally at first.
   • Let the pain fill your heart and imagine a container collecting this. Deepen your breathing, and blow out your breath as long and hard as you need to. Let your breath take the pain out of this bowl and out of your body with your breath.
   • If you feel any aches while doing this, massage the affected area. Apply pressure on it and breathe out the pain. Imagine it being released with your breath, as you breathe out.