FORGIVING

Volume 4

Forgiveness is a word that is often taken for granted and it’s quite often used even when the giver or the asker does not mean it. Forgiveness kicks in when we feel that someone has wronged us (this is when we forgive) and when we have wronged someone (this is when we ask for forgiveness). There seems to be so many people and situations in life that we need to forgive and from whom we need forgiveness. The people and situations may be from the past or from what’s presently happening in our lives.

The Damage Done To The Inner Child

All of us have our fair share of perceived hurts and slights which shape us into the people we are. These hurts and slights are normally childhood traumas which then give birth to a host of other traumas; a classic example of the latter is the feeling of being rejected socially.

This rejection in social situations happens when a child, probably having felt “rejection” by an inattentive parent, grows up, attempts his first friendship and finds that the same feeling of rejection he felt as a child is felt again when the other person does not respond in the way he expects. He had in fact been looking at the situation through the eyes of that child who had been hurt long ago, and as a result is reliving the memory of a past hurt. He will continue to interpret every similar event as a rejection until he finds out, if he ever finds out, that it is he who is the cause of his own feelings of rejection and not the other person.

The Closed Heart & The Battle Within

The result from all the ego-centered busyness of being hurt about this and about that is a closed heart which will fiercely protect itself from all manner of threat real or imagined. Having a closed heart prevents us from experiencing life as how life should be experienced – in the raw without fear.

Not only does a closed heart protect itself, it may even go on the offensive by destroying loving relationships with others so that the wounded heart does not have to face the prospect of being rejected yet again.

A closed, defensive heart makes us mistakenly see a relationship with someone as another battle, as we fail to see that the battle is in fact a battle within ourselves.

The Memories Of Yesterday

The memories of past hurts and pains by other people or situations are a thick wall of fear that blocks our genuine interaction with the outside world. These old memories stop us from feeling ourselves and feeling others. They block our soul energy from nourishing us physically, emotionally and mentally, and cause us to miss opportunities for love and healing.

Painful memories shut us down from being who we really are inside: loving, compassionate beings who are not afraid to show love and tenderness, who see every human being as a beautiful person no matter who he or she is, who are not afraid to speak out or take action, who are not fearful about what others say about us. Aren’t these what we all want to be?

The Essence Of Forgiving

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” Lewis B. Smedes

For those on the spiritual path, we will have to confront our inner demons and face our fears, accept them and let them go if we are to make any meaningful progress towards our spiritual goals. This is what we call spiritual healing and a large part of this process involves the act of forgiving.

Forgiving clears away the bad memories which cloud our vision of ourselves and of the world. With clarity, we begin to see and experience ourselves and the world as we truly are: pure love. We free ourselves of the chains that lock us down from being the powerful beings that we are.

In this process, the first person whom you should forgive is yourself. Forgive yourself for the wrongs you’ve caused the people in your life and forgive yourself for all the wrong choices which you have made in life.

Then again, there are actually no “wrong” choices because what happens in life is exactly how they are meant to be for us to learn our soul lessons. But the energy of the regret that we carry has to go and forgiving is the way to do it.

Thus the essence of forgiving is forgiving ourselves. Through this, we rid ourselves of the energies of guilt and regret so that we can stop attracting negative experiences and start attracting new and positive ones into our lives.

Don’t Regret, Just Do Better Here And Now

“Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.” Pema Chodron

Don’t get stuck in the trap of past regrets: simply commit yourself to do better now and today. For until you learn your lesson and do better, what you do not want never really goes away.

Forgive yourself by first accepting without judgment all the experiences in life, good or bad, that you have gone through. Forgive yourself by letting go of all the feelings of guilt that you carry within. And through the same process of accepting and letting go, forgive each and every person and situation whom you blame for hurting you.

You Can Forgive

“If you feel the need to forgive, forgive today.” Anonymous

You are not what you see yourself as – you are more beautiful and loving than the person you think you are. The world is not what you see it as – it is more beautiful and loving than how you are experiencing it.

To experience beauty and love, you need only to forgive.

Living Life Raw

“What makes you vulnerable also makes you beautiful.” Brene Brown

To live life in the raw is to live and experience life as it should be experienced – fully conscious and without fear. It requires us to be open and accepting of people, events and situations which make us feel threatened or insecure. It means allowing our vulnerability to show through without flinching. Living life raw requires a lot of courage.

Here are 3 things you can do to allow some vulnerability into your life, which will help open your heart to more love and compassion:-

1. Be authentic
   Behave in a genuine manner instead of putting on an act to impress others or to hide something you do not wish others to see. Authenticity frees us from the need for other people’s approval thus allowing us to fully experience ourselves.
2. Judge not & resist not
   Do not judge situations as good or bad. Things are not often what they seem. Judging something or someone as bad or wrong immediately creates negative feelings which bias our experience against the situation and prevents us from experiencing it as it is.

   In the same way, do not resist whatever happens. Resistance tenses the muscles and turns the experience to an unpleasant one. Respond appropriately to situations without the conditioned fear and tension that comes from resisting something. This allows us to experience the situations differently, perhaps from love or compassion.

3. Embrace negative emotions
   Embrace your negative emotions because they are a part of you. Just as a parent does not reject a child no matter what he or she does, do not reject your emotions. Instead, acknowledge and accept your negative emotions gracefully so that you experience them fully without recoiling in fear. Just remember it is never the other person’s action that hurts you but your emotional reaction to it that does. So deal with your emotions instead of blaming the other person for your hurt feelings.