REKINDLE

Silence

I was given an hour of silent contemplation during one of my meditation retreats — meaning no talking, no reading, no eye contact with anyone. I always look forward to this part of my meditation retreats. You see, in a world where speed is everything and competition involves making the “loudest noise” to be heard in any industry, I often lose myself amidst the noise and speed while chasing after a target.

Hardly do I have time to quiet down and slow my pace to catch a breather.

I remember when the instructor gave us that 1 hour of silent contemplation of just spending time with one’s self and nature, I jumped like a kid inside my heart.

I decided to just spend time under the trees doing nothing. I walked into an open field, found a spot and lay down on the grass with a few huge trees providing a good shade above my head. The view before my eyes was stunning.

I remember the weather was on my side that afternoon with a just a few clouds displaying their perfect white form against a magnificent blue sky. The whistling breeze created a beautiful symphony with the rustling leaves on the trees that towered above me. “Gush, gush, gush,” was what I heard, the sounds forming waves and waves of beautiful rhythmic patterns. As I lay entranced, listening to nature’s orchestra and observing how the leaves, branches and trees danced around one another… a sudden realization came through.

There were perhaps hundreds of thousands of leaves on tens of hundreds of branches from the trees around me. Yet, they were not competing with one another to get more sun. They all seemed strong and well, providing me with the shade that I needed in my hour of silence.

I Saw It

The leaves and the branches moved in a certain flow, complementing each other. Somehow, they did not get into each other’s way or get entangled. When I observed closely, I realized they grew in a pattern that did not cross each other. Instead, those leaves and branches made way for each other to grow unobstructed. And when the wind came, they all swayed like graceful dancers to the wind’s song.

Then it hit me. Why do I often need to be in that competitive mode, thinking that in order to be heard, I need to stand out from the rest and make the loudest noise? I can be like nature too — make way and complement others while orchestrating a beautiful piece of music (work/ project). Be in the flow of life and sway with the wind, not against it. Trusting that everything will surely work out within this eternal flow. It has always been and it will always be.

As I digested that message, I turned my head to the right. And there it stood.

 

I Saw Her

There. A tree, standing alone, almost completely bare. There were hardly any leaves on her and her branches looked thin and weakly. Amongst all the trees surrounding me, this tree oddly stood out. “It’s ugly.” I murmured in my heart.

Strangely though, I just couldn’t take my eyes off her. As I stared at this ugly, bare tree, I felt deeply connected. It was as though I was her and she was me.

Snap! That was how I had been feeling about myself! I’d constantly thought that I was the odd one out, not conforming to the standards of beauty. The ugliness that I saw in the tree was like a mirror reflection of how I felt about my own body. The disapproval and disgrace I felt about this tree reflected my relationship with my body.

As I looked at this bare tree that stood out from the rest, I doubted she wanted to be that different. She was just who she was. Standing tall and quiet, being who she was. Without competing.

In that very moment, the tree changed my view and my mind about her. I instantly saw her as beautiful, on her own terms.

I Saw Me

As I felt that moment together with the tree, streams of tears started flowing down my face. The truth of what true beauty is unfolded before me through a beautiful tree that I first thought ugly. Deep within me, I knew that was how much I had disliked what I saw of myself.

A deep sense of healing then started to flow as if a dam was opened. I noticed my body wasn’t as uptight as before. Wow! My body had been holding on to the thought and judgement of “I’m not pretty and I’m odd” all these years. The amount of stress I created unconsciously had been stored inside me for so long. And just a moment with a bare tree gave me the revelation that my body had been longing for.

Never have I thought that a quiet hour of silently contemplating and just being amongst the trees and nature would turn into something so healing for my body and so profoundly revealing for my soul.

It is true. Nature heals and she reflects who we are. And oftentimes, what she heals and shows us are things about ourselves we aren’t aware of. And it’s through rekindling our love for Mother Nature that we rekindle the love for ourselves.

Giving and receiving is the nature’s flow,
Allowing myself, indulging in this flow,
I humbly ask Gaia for her unconditional healing,
Affirming that I’m loved after all.

Mother Gaia, how can I ask for more
When it has always been around me, upon me and within me.