You Can Love Again

Vol. 9

“How Could You Do This To Me?”

What do you do when your spouse or partner has an affair?

I have my own real-life story to share. When you first find out, you may have many questions racing through your mind… “How could the person do this to me? How long has this affair been going on”?

Now try to put a pause to all these thoughts. Just tell yourself and your mind that you will attend to them later. All these thoughts are not helping you in any way. Believe me, I know how that feels.

Everything DOES Happen For A Reason

Just for a moment, take my hand and believe that everything happens for a reason.

Believe that you will find a way out, and start to focus on yourself instead of your spouse and the betrayal.

Focus just for a moment on healing your heart and emotions, and then you will gain more peace and love.

Based on my personal experience, let me share a few steps to heal yourself.

The 4 Steps To Love Again

Step 1: Connect With Yourself

Usually after discovering an affair, many people will experience confused thoughts and emotions. Every morning before starting your day, take a few minutes to be silent. Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths.

Feel your heart and give yourself permission to feel your emotions. Acknowledge all the feelings or emotions that may surface. This includes shock, sadness, insecurity, fear and anger all of which are absolutely normal.

Have courage by allowing the emotions to run through you. Let your feelings out and never suppress them, as these emotions are negative energy that must be released. The more you face your emotions, the more courageous you become.

If it makes you feel better to release the emotions physically, you may choose to shout and scream at the top of your lungs at the beach or an isolated spot.

Never take out your unresolved emotions on others, and this includes your spouse. Everything happens for a reason, even if you cannot believe it now.

As you become stable emotionally, you will be able to accept what is happening in your relationship. I emerged stronger after going through them.

Step 2: Accept The Situation With Love

After releasing some of your emotions, you will feel some measure of inner peace and clarity.

This is the best time for you to go deep within yourself to contemplate on the affair and what may have contributed to it. You cannot change the past, but you can decide your present and future.

Gently allow yourself to accept and embrace the past. Admittedly, the scenario isn’t what you had wished for – but you will now be able to use that clarity by embracing it with love.

I suggest you make it a daily practice to connect with yourself and visualize the whole process in Step 1. Look within and check if there are further emotions that need releasing.

This is the time where there may be increased awareness of the underlying lessons behind the incident. Some may even realize it is a Divine gift to learn and grow from – so you may change something within you that might have caused this situation. There are valuable lessons to be learned in these difficult times although this may seem incredibly hard for you to accept.

Step 3: Forgive To Free Yourself

By going through the emotional process of letting go, you will soon rediscover an entire different side of yourself! It may be a prelude to complete inner freedom, resulting from the intention and the act of forgiving.

Learn to forgive yourself, and forgive everyone involved. Since you are involved in this extra-marital affair, you do bear some responsibility. This is true, even if you see yourself as the victim.

I hope that you gain more self-awareness through these steps and after a while, you will agree that you had unintentionally created the conditions or issues in your marriage. That is why you need to learn to forgive yourself too. You will realize that the most difficult person to forgive is not your spouse or the third party, but it is YOURSELF.

This is the time that you are ready to move forward in your life. Remember to acknowledge the courage that has helped you to work on your emotions up till now.

Step 4: To Love Again

Retrospectively, when you look back you will realize that you had healed yourself and are now starting on a transformative journey. Most of the time we are in our comfort zone, and barely have time to spend on self-contemplation.

Of all the problems you have in life, relationship issues are probably the ones that bring out the strongest emotions. These help you move out from your old “stationary” self and change – to move forward, learn and grow to be a more beautiful you.

Try something new now! You might want to make some lifestyle changes or learn something new. Focusing more on yourself increases your awareness about your life. This is an important part of self-love.

Look within instead of looking at others. Understand yourself more. When you truly pay attention to yourself – your body, your thoughts, your behavior, you will realize you have love within you.

And when you do, that’s when you open the door wide to attracting new love to you.

Beyond Love

You are born of love; your parents’ love created you. But like most people, you may be too caught up with daily routines until you neglect what is truly inside your heart. The moment you discover that your true self is filled with incredible amounts of love, you will feel and enjoy love all over again – but this time, it will be a love that’s beyond the human possessive love.