L for Love that is. After several years of being together, years of only meeting one another for just a few hours at night, just the two of you alone, you may feel very disconnected from your spouse or long-term partner. Even date nights can become routine. Most magazines out there will tell you to improve your sex life, which is great and all but what about reconnecting in other ways too?

We often don’t share much with one another anymore. We also don’t express our love and gratitude with deep emotion.  Even saying “I love you” to one another, can become routine after awhile.

Are you starting to feel confused because you have been feeling lonely lately? Do you spend time wishing you could reverse time, back to the days you couldn’t wait to be together? Do you sometimes use ‘work’ as an excuse to avoid awkward pauses during dinner when you don’t know what to say? Or are you starting to treat your partner like another colleague or housemate?

Try out some of these suggestions, initially all these may seem awkward but over time, it will get easier and your efforts will pay off:

  1. Share something special about your day before you go to bed

Ensure that you do it from the heart instead of from the head…i.e instead of “I made RM2000 today”,  add in “…and it made me feel….”. It doesn’t have to be something momentous but it has to be something that really means something to you. And really listen when your spouse reflects on what happened to him that day.

  1. Thank your spouse for doing whatever he or she does to make your life easier

Share with your spouse what you love about him or her or you can even thank him or her for doing simple things like folding the laundry or ordering in food. It may be something small but it’s something that makes a difference in your day or life. I hate washing clothes so I tell my husband that I appreciate him doing the laundry. My colleague appreciates that his wife always ensures that he has something to eat for dinner, whether she cooks it herself or not. Occasionally close an eye, or two if your partner does some things that you dislike, use unconditional love to keep you going.

  1. Start making life decisions that are good for your marriage first then yourselves as individuals

 We are used to spending most of our days at work so much so that we often make important decisions that benefit our career first, or  that make us more money – for the family, we tell ourselves, but mainly because you want to keep the boss/colleague/client happy.  Rarely do we make decisions that are good for the marriage or ourselves as a couple. This may create tension between the two of you, especially if it involves people who in some way threaten your relationship. Make your relationship a priority for once.

  1. When you are discussing anything, add humor appropriately and positivity 

When you talk about something from a positive perspective or focus on the plus points rather than the negative points, positivity just takes over and affects your behavior towards each other. And serious matters may seem easier to handle. It breaks the dark cloud hanging over the conversation. It makes you feel at one with each other.

  1. Go to bed at the same time as much as possible.

When we end the day together, we are sending out the energy that we are partners living a shared life together, therefore we are “closing the day” together. Aim to get in bed together as often as you can even if it’s just to sleep. It’s something special between the two of you as it’s not something that happens with anyone else.

Most importantly though we need to admit that we can’t blame this disconnection on each other, it takes two to clap. Admit that years of prioritizing everything else has taken its toll on your relationship. Take responsibility and agree to move on differently, together.

Rose Wong is an energetic healer, speaker, counseling psychologist and writer who believes that as we create our reality there are always opportunities and time for transformation. Rose has conducted inspirational workshops all over South-East Asia and North America. As part of her service to humanity, she also creates safe spaces for couple counseling and specializes in shamanic healing. You can contact her at